“So uhm… I bought a fucking machine 2019 from Dao. The important thing to note here isn’t necessarily why I bought a fucking machine but the fact that I only payed $299 for it (plus taxes and shit).
The one thing I know about fucking machines is that they are incredibly expensive, typically starting at $1000. I’m fairly fortunate in that I have a decent amount of disposable income that I like to spend on toys or random fun stuff. But I can’t really motivate a 1000 dollar purchase on something that may or may not be for me. That didn’t keep me from typing the words “fucking machines” into Google now and again…
One night i ran across this website (adultrepdao.com) that claims to sell high quality machines for a modest $299. It’s clear that the company, and its proud owner, is based in China. I don’t know about you but i am hesitant buying products from China at such a generous premium. However, there were two factors that made me eventually pull the trigger. First, the website goes to some length to install trust and credibility. Everything you would ever want to know about the products is clearly explained either in text or in any of the several videos it contains. Second, 300 bucks is just cheap enough for me to go “fuck it” and they accept PayPal. If this really was a scam, PayPal should in theory have my back.
In fact, I committed myself to writing this review before-hand because if this turned out to be a legit 300 dollar fucking machine then people really need to know about it.
Okay, so ten minutes after sending in my request i received the PayPal invoice along with a confirmation email from Mr. Dao-huan Chang. A few minutes after I had payed I received another email asking if it was okay if they changed the shipment from DHL to Fedex, which would save me $10, Fedex isn’t exactly great where I live but I went ahead and agreed anyways. A moment later I received the promised $10 refund. My point is that the customer service was immediate and remarkably good. Every claim the website made ended up being completely true. It’s not a scam.
This is what i ordered:
1 x FM18 “Fuck Quiet” Fucking Machine (old version)
1 x Vac-u-Lock adapter
1 x Suction cup adapter
Total cost: $346 + $175 shipping & taxes = $521
Now their price including shipping.
I also made a separate order for a Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock dildo from another vendor, which was another $60.
Roughly a week later the package arrived, a little beat up but okay. It even had a note inside for the customs officials to be careful with the contents (as most packages from China will get inspected. I’ve heard. Mine seemed no exception.)
So let’s talk about the machine itself.
As far as I can tell it looks and works exactly as the one demonstrated on the store page. There’s really nothing bad I can say about is. It is that machine, it’s solid and the motor is pretty strong. It’s quiet, at least quiet enough to not become a distraction when you’re using it.
I only have a couple of minor complaints. The power brick feels extremely light and cheap. This is probably the most likely point of failure, however I’m not an electrical engineer and so far it’s worked fine. The other complaint is that the (free) power plug adapter was completely useless because it doesn’t fit inside a standard EU power sockets due to its shape. Luckily the brick itself accepts a standard 3-prong computer cable which I own dozens of, so this ended up being a non-issue.
The suction cup adapter works surprisingly well as long as you have a dildo that can attach to it. Most ordinary suction cup dildos will definitely fit but my many Bad Dragon toys won’t. I actually went as far as to buy a cheap metal plate, drill a hole in it and assemble my own suction cup adapter. Despite looking weird it works like a fucking charm!
The Vac-u-lock adapter worked as advertised. No surprises. Again, I had to order a compatible dildo separately. Unfortunately the vac-u-lock range is pretty small.
This machine… it’s strong (strong enough to rock itself off my table). And like any good machine it doesn’t give a FUCK about soft fleshy humans in its way. It has enough torque to push you forward as it thrusts, however I noticed that when faced with a particularly big dildo and a tight hole (I’m admittedly a bit of a size queen) it will need some help to penetrate. To be fair we’re talking about extremes here. What happens then is that the motor will continue to push but the axel stops turning until you help it push through or you move out of its way. (This probably puts stress on the motor. For the reason I always penetrate before setting it in motion.)
It’s actually pretty fun when, let’s say, a horse dildo accidentally pulls out and then repeatedly flops forward and slaps your butt as if trying to re-penetrate.
Once inside it will go as deep as your body will let it and the maximum thrust length is more than I can handle, so in my case it leaves nothing to be desired. I personally like to put the thrust length at its middle setting. The shortest setting works very will with plugs and is a safer way to expenience the maximum speed.
The control box is as much your salvation as your own undoing. The red button allows you to stop the machine at any time and the dial lets you to go from a gentle push to fucking reckless abandon. The half-point setting it’s already pounding you pretty hard and is more than enough to satisfy me. The maximum setting is nothing less than ferocious and has the potential to transform you into a drooling, qulvering mess.
You can easily adjust the angle of the mahcine and all that works well, in my expenience it’s pretty much perfectly aligned in its topmost horizontal position. Then rubber feet on the machine makes sure it doesn’t move around much on its own, unless if you really crank it up or when the dildo is hits your limit. I place it so that the back feet are against the door still of my bathroom which keeps if from moving but the machine still had a tendency to turn lateraly if i’m accepting it at an angle. Overall this is a sturdy, heavy machine that will do its job perfectly fine for most people. It certainly does for me.
I adore this machine it literally gives new life to my collection of toys and all I have to do is close my eyes and I’m there, on all four, getting pounding by a hung beast without restraint. Well worth my money.”